my parenting approach.

I'm a softie. A big one. But I would like to think that I am also a good mum (Actually I'm pretty certain I am!)
I have quite a soft parenting approach and seem to be drawn to people that are like minded.
At first when Abi was born we didn't have any real routine and just worked around what worked for us all. I am not at all a Controlled Crying fan and not at all a 'Tizzy Hall SOS' fan. Sure she has some wonderful methods that work for many, but its just not for me.

I got on my high horse a few weeks ago and it has taken till now to calm down and want to write this post. It's still likely to be a jumble of words, feelings and emotions but hopefully will make some sense.

When Abi was only just 2 weeks old I joined a MCHN Mothers Group. I had heard both good and bad about these groups and thought it can't hurt to go along right? So I did.
I had the littlest and youngest baby in the group and was quite shy! On the second week I was walking home and walked with another girl and we discovered we lived in the same street! J and I have become great friends and I think a lot of that has to do with us having a similar parenting approach. (Funnily enough our babes are 2 weeks apart and we are currently due with our second children 2 weeks apart!)

Anyway, from a group of 15 girls you aren't always going to have a connection with everyone are you. I can be quite opinionated and when I feel strongly about something I really really do!

Just recently one of the women in our MG posted something on Facebook that just got me reeling....
It started with her asking if anyone's children had been coming home from Daycare with bite marks.
And ending with her saying "xxx tell zzz to stay away from aaa"
(withholding names)
So from the get go she's basically telling people to exclude this child! Poor kid...

It goes on.

Here's a few little excripts from the discussion.

L                 I assume you've spoken to the staff re the biter?


S:                On many occasions, this is the 2nd time they are calling up the parents to put a formal plan in place...doesn't seem to make much of a difference though..

ME:              I had the biting child for a few weeks... I was horrified! But the carers were sure Abs didn't actually know what she was doing and didn't seem to mean any malice by it. Perhaps this child is just testing boundaries?

                    They are only young so don't necessarily know what they are even doing! I know Abs sure didn't! The carers were quick to let her know that what she was doing was wrong and I didn't feel it necessary for me to do anything about it as she didn't do it when I was around and wouldn't understand me reprimanding her well after the incident.

                    I felt terrible for the child she did bite, but also apparently this child was trying to hug Abs and she does like her personal space!

                    Hopefully it's also short lived at your end S And doesn't happen again.

                    I'm sure the parents of the biter feel terrible and wish it wasn't happening either.






S:                 Not quite, the parents don't acknowledge it as an issue & this kid has been biting kids every day ongoing for over a year now - he does know what he is doing. Couple of bites is a different story...and I am sure Abi didn't bite on the face.


ME:              Does a 2yo really understand though is my thoughts.

                    Not nice and crappy that the parents aren't acknowledging though.


S:                 A knows when she has hurt someone or has done something wrong... 

ME:              Each to their own then. I still don't believe that abi would understand if she were still biting. She pushes kids when she doesn't want them near her and although i let her know that it's not nice I still don't think she really gets it or understands that its 'wrong' I believe that she is 'voicing' what she doesn't like but in her own way as she doesn't yet have the vocab to do it in a way an adult would.

                    I know it's hard to understand as you have not had the 'naughty' child but it does feel pretty crap and you don't want your child labeled as the child to keep away from. I'm sure this kid is also a sweetheart deep down and just a little misunderstood.

                    All parents parent differently and we may not agree with other people's ways but if you have the daycare involved there's not much more you can do but to remove your child from the situation if you are unhappy with it. I also know this is much easier said than done! Especially in the area.

S:                 Point is Abi is not still biting is she... as I said a couple of times is different, ongoing and constantly is another thing all together. BTW. since I have had A in childcare for 5 days she has been very naughty, so I do understand. It all comes down to the discipline and how it is managed...


ME:              Abi does still bite. Not every day but she does. Pushes kids too.

                   Perhaps the discipline at daycare is the issue?

                   Disciplining a 2yo? There's only so much you can do and that they are likely to understand!

                   I prefer a soft parenting approach over discipline. I believe in allowing kids to be kids and learning as we go along. Pushing boundaries is also a form of learning.


                    Also if these parents didn't care then they aren't about to tell the day care about it! Just for a second put yourself in those parents or even that child's shoes! He probably just needs a big hug!





S                  You should read back what you write before you press send and put yourself in someone elses shoes... maybe you don't realise but you say things that offend people and I would not be the first to say this... 

           

That's actually the first time in a long while I have re read that. I still stand by everything I wrote.

I could have gone on, but I thought better of it and know I am a better and bigger person.

It really frustrates me to no end that people can just put someone into a certain 'basket' and that's it. I'm frustrated more for the little biting boy than anything. Doesn't this kid just need some understanding? Does a just 2 yo really really understand when they do something terribly wrong? I think that Abi is only just starting to get it now. 

Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Maybe I really am a softie, pushover who just offends people!